I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
