he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
