I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize