either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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