I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
