I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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