She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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