my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The beer is more important than you right now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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