I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
