I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
