I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
