Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
