Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
