The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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