Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
