Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
