I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
