I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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