He uses pillows to masturbate.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
