I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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