Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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