I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When are your genitals available?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
