Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
