grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was confusing and full of hummus
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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