where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
