I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
