I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
