from now on my penis is your penis
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
