You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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