i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
