I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
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Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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