She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
