too bad you live with your parents still
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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