you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
