I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
