New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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