I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
