Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
