Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So much rum. So many feels.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
