I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize