I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
