Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize