Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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