Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
