There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
