woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
