one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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