is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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