I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
