Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need water and some morals
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
