Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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