Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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