I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
