its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize