We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
