No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
