but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
