Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
