Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?