i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Blood and glitter go together right?
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.