im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.