Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.