We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
