she woke up with a sticky ear
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.