I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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