Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
