i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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