I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything