I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.