and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.