when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel