my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
