so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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