question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
