is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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