the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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