If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
