Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
