I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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