His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The Olympian is in my bed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
