I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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