btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
