That's when you crack a 10am beer
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
