i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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