Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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