goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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