I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
