I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
