dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
